Caw, Caw! Is it a plane? Is it a drone? No, it’s a blue falcon dropping his turd right on you!
You may have stumbled upon this article for one of two reasons: 1) you were tagged on social media, or 2) the article is simply calling for you, you little blue bird. If neither of those applies to you, the third reason is most likely applicable: Your comrades are making the caw, caw sound, and you just want to get out of the oblivion of “what’s that supposed to mean?”
According to the most trusted slang dictionary EVER on the internet—the Urban Dictionary, a Blue Falcon is someone who commonly craps over their teammates.
This includes, but by no means is limited to the following:
Leaving work early when they volunteered to do something, thereby forcing their coworkers to do it.
Makes a comment [on] another’s inappropriate action in front of one’s supervisor which may result in discipline from [the] said supervisor.
Stating they will meet their [buddies] for drinks, but [are] observed immediately taking a route away from the drinking destination never to be seen the remainder of the evening.
Inviting [buddies] out for drinks on their birthday and being the first to leave shortly after arriving.
Stating you will do something, but then are nowhere to be found when it is your time to do it, whereby forcing your [buddies] to do it.
Someone who often misses work; leaves early; or takes sick days forcing his [buddies] to pick up his slack.
a.k.a., the “Buddy F*cker.”
Another slightly harsher description of this would be “that one kid in school who reminds the teacher about the assignment when they’re about to dismiss the class.” If you’ve encountered that (or you’re that kid) in either preschool, middle school, or high school—and even in college, then imagine that annoying schmuck grows up and joins the military. That’s a blue falcon, right there.
Does this in any way resonate with you? C’mon, don’t be shy. Spread those blue wings and FLY!
If you’re still in denial and can’t accept the fact that you’re the ass hat in the squad—like you’re tagged as a blue falcon for a reason, aren’t you? Then maybe these memes will help you soar high.
You’re a certified snitch
Learn to read the room, for Pete’s sake. Or how about you put yourself in your comrades’ shoes for a moment: do you want to be snitched if the roles were reversed?
No? Then stop talking!
Don’t be a weekend stealer
While technically, it’s not wrong to remind your platoon sergeant about matters they must’ve forgotten, especially crucial information. But when the rest of the troop is obviously itching to go home and spend the weekend already, please keep your mouth shut.
“And that night, Scuttleshmuk return my beloved jeep with a huge dent.”
The obvious rule of thumb when borrowing something from a buddy is to return it the way you took it. That’s just plain courtesy. Don’t spoil the trust your buddy has given you.
Don’t be too much of an overachiever
We get it. As soldiers, you’re required and expected to be at your best when performing specific duties. After all, when the troop is performing well, the troop leaders are the happiest, which puts them in a good mood. Not to mention the possible rewards among the shower of praise that is rarely given. You become a Blue Falcon when your level of effort is not the same as the rest of your comrades, making you a somewhat “gold star” standard in the eyes of your leader. It’s one thing to do extra because it needs to be done, it’s another to do extra to make the rest of your teammates look bad.
“Look at so-and-so. He’s doing a great job. Why aren’t the rest of you doing the same?” asked the platoon leader to the rest of his exhausted men who hadn’t yet slept.
You may or may not have caused the company recall
Got drunk so much that you got yourself in trouble? Well, now your whole company is going to be recalled alongside you to receive an earful.
Blue falcons exist in the higher command chain too
There’s a squad leader version of a Blue Falcon too. Remember that one time you and the rest of the squad “volunteered” to do something, and your leader was suspiciously late or didn’t show up at all? Yes, that’s the bluebird of absence right there!
Whether you do it on purpose or not, you’ll probably receive tons of hate within the troop. After all, no one wants to be screwed over, right? Having a Blue Falcon reputation may seem unlikable, but you can still change that. But for you to move forward, first, you have to acknowledge it, accept it, learn from it, and fly away—I mean, change for the better.
Have any stories about Blue Falcon encounters while you were serving? Share them below.